Seeing His hand. Trusting his hand.

Have you ever longed to have a one on one, face to face, fill in all the blanks, conversation with Christ. I mean truly, sit down and just talk. I have. All the time. Especially lately. I just want so badly for Him to tell me what it is He wants me to do. He continues to fill in little blimps here and there - and truly that all I should ask for. My life is nothing like I imagined it would be a year ago. I went from dating a guy, who I thought I would marry, to being as single as can be. I traded in my dreams of wedding planning for crayons and boogers (which I love every second of, dont get me wrong!) Even my tooth paste has changed, and for what? I think God had to take me so far away from everything that I had ever wanted so that He could show me what it is He wants me to do. And now, in the midst of surrender, He throws me yet another challenge. Foreign mission. I have never been this girl. I have never though of myself as the person you read about in your missions organizations at church. There are people right here in Albany that need Christ, right? Who is going to stay here and witness to these people? Although my questions are valid and very realistic, they arent the questions that I should be asking myself. Instead, God has me cleaning my slate of all selfish desires right now. Instead, I find myself praying, "Father, where, when, how long?" And the crazy part is, I DONT HAVE TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. I know, right? crazy for me to think. I had a conversation with a dear friend of mine about 3 weeks ago and it was if the Holy Spirit just spoke through her. It was the most awesome and strange thing I had ever encountered. We were talking about my future, what I wanted, what I thought God had for me to do and out of no where she just said, "Lauren, you arent going to be tied to Albany. You are single right now because God is going to take to places that you wouldnt go if you were dating someone that wasnt willing to go with you. You are going to find someone that shares your passion for children, music, and mission and the two of you will be a strengthened body - working to spread the story of Christ." As you can probably imagine, I was blown away. It was as if God and I were having this conversation, not me and this other person. He CLEARLY spoke through her. Since that conversation I have spent a lot of time just searching and being open to where He wants to take me. I feel like these heavy, muggy blinders have been taken off my eyes. I can see now that God wants me to fully put it ALL in His hands. He has not given me a passion for the Hispanic people so that I can sit at my house and wish I could use it!! NO. He didnt give me a passion for marriage and children so that I could envy all those who bask in it daily. NO! He has a plan for me too. And it is so evident. I just don't have all the details yet. And you know what... that is okay! :)